18/06/2008 10:20 - PA_MaryAnne

Hello Darisse and Welcome Aboard! First, let me thank you from the bottom of my heart for your service to our country and to the cause of freedom around the world. Next, let me thank you for sharing your story with us. Many people will read it and be encouraged! My bro-in-law uses the SCS and has had similar good results with it ~ he loves it and says it has given him back much of his life. Please tell us more about the Ironman Triathalon 2009!! ~Mary Anne APF/PainAid Team

12/02/2009 14:44 - Joyofyrlf

Hi, gee you've been thru much of what I have gone thru for the past 19 yrs. It sucks! I am a former Marine and was taught to be Super Woman. I felt like such a failure when I was injured and could no longer do the physical things anymore. I have 5 disc bulges in my back and left peripher femur nerve damage, from my ribcage to my tail bone the ligaments & muscles were torn from by vertebrae, my left ankle and knew were damaged & my left foot was broken; and I couldn't walk for 2 yrs., couldn't sit down for 5, but still thought I was supposed to be able to work and not complain about the pain I am in. My dad (former Vietnam Helicopter Pilot) told me no one would want to marry me being this disabled and I believed him. I felt like such a looser and worthless. Hated the medical treatments, all that you had to go thru (epidurals, ultrasound, hot/cold, biofeedback, pain pills, radio frequency ablation, ice baths, neurosurgery) then the spinal column stim was implanted and a morphine pump. The last two kept me from wanting to commit suicide. I no longer was in 24 hr. a day fire and I could finally concentrate on things a bit more. I could see light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to go off the oral pain killers and have been able to crawl out of bed and walk further than ever in the last 19 years. Then I was put on 300 mg. of Welbutrin XL (a research study found that neurological pain is reduced when this antidepressant is added to treatment). It helps a whole lot for the burning pain and I don't feel so much like a slug. My dad was wrong...I am still desireable even with my physical limits. Just because I am not superwoman any more, I am now the "Bionic Woman". :0) And now I have returned to school to work on a Doctorate in Behavioral Medicine with a Specialty in Pain Management so I can help other Veterans learn there is hope for them too. The things that I have gone thru because of chronic pain disability: lost of: health, job, money, insurance, family, abilities, self, hope or having gone through because of chonic pain disability: homelessness, depression, suicidal ideation, PTSD, surgeries, loneliness. But finally, with the help of others, I have discovered that it is possible to regain some of these again. When I was groing up my dad used to always say to me "You can do anything you set your mind to; and I believed him literally. It wasn't until I became disabled with intracticable pain from a traumatic injury that I discovered you also have to have the capacity. No man (or woman) is an island, as much as I wanted to believe all my life that I could always do everything myself. It took me becoming disabled to humble me to realize I needed help sometimes. There were times I was in so much pain I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die, but I read a book by Victor Frankl called "Man's Search for Meaning". It described the people in the Auschwitz Concentration Camp during WWII, and what made the difference between the ones who survivde and the ones who didn't. It had little to do with the degree of physical torture, pain, or suffering; it had to do with a purpose for living. Those who found a purpose for living stayed alive. The human body and mind is capable of surviving a lot more than anyone can imagine. The difference between those that do and those that don't is the desire to keep going. I have heard enough true accounts of battle wounded men who should have died of their wounds, but didn't because they refused to die and their buddies told them to hang on. Anyone who has never been in the military doesn't understand what I am talking about. They are "too soft". I hear what you are saying about not being listened too when you tried to explain how much pain you are in and it falls on deaf ears. It is very frustrating. Unfortunately, many doctors have not been trained in pain management and neurological pain can not be seen with diagnostic tools, yet. Now that more sophisticated fMRI machines are being invented perhaps diagnostic tools will be able to "read" pain in a person more clearly. But I doubt that the degree or severity of the pain in each person will be able to be determined soon, because different peoples temperaments determine how they express pain and if you were in the military you are taught to be ashamed of expressing pain. Therefore, civilian doctors have even less understanding of how to treat military or veterans when they are pain patients. It's about time they learn.

13/02/2009 09:40 - pa_Carolina1

Dear Joyofyrlf (or should I say - Bionic Woman), Semper Fi!!! It's so good to meet you and to have another WM on board! You are truly an inspiration and great example of how to overcome adversity. This pain battle is something that our training actually makes more difficult (the whole - no pain, no gain mindset). We are advocating on behalf of the military/veteran community and understand the extra challenges we face - whether it's overcoming barriers to pain care, access to the right doctors - or just the mindset that to show pain is to show weakness. We're so glad you're here and hope you will participate and share your insights. Again - Semper Fi!!!! PA_Carolina APF/PainAid Team American Pain Foundation Combined Federal Campaign Designation: 22290 A United Voice of Hope and Power over Pain "The views or opinions contained herein do not necessarily represent those of PainAid or of The American Pain Foundation."

13/02/2009 16:51 - Joyofyrlf

Hi again, Thank you for being able to understand what I was saying in spite of all of my horrible typing skill. :0) Semper Fi Back at you Joy!

18/02/2009 09:52 - phoenix22

i'm also in alignment w/ your sentiments...and feel for your pain.....even our new jarhead's..........i'm an army aviator.....and your elder so i can be this way.....and ya'll have to be polite......welcome guys.....i'll be doin' gca's all day so rest easy......see ya in the ops shack.....