01/04/2008 01:49 - josie28

Imasure - I am in no way an expert on this, at least, any more than the last 5 years of chronic neuropathic pain has made me. I can tell you that for prolonged periods of time during these years, I have felt a low-level suicidality - what I called an "articulate depression" - in which I could cope with my life but the underlying feeling that I had to constantly face this incredible pain (or the inability to treat it properly) was overwhelming. I can also tell you that the times this has cropped up, it has always resolved itself eventually - hard work, counselling, being honest to my family and friends, and sometimes med changes, lifestyle changes and others were all involved. This is not to minimize what you are feeling. I just want to illustrate that what you are feeling, though it may seem unending right now, is definitely not. There is and will be an end to this feeling, and a return to a more satisfying life is possible. I have also found that narcotics can, as one intake counsellor said to me, F*&%k with your mental health. As a woman, I found that they messed with my hormones, and thus my emotional health, to the point that I wasn't always able to regain perspective. This is a commonly understood side effect of narcotics - if you have a decent pain doc or a clinic nearby that is multidisciplinary and lets you see a psychiatrist/counsellor/therapist, do it - be honest, and tell them how you are feeling, ask if your meds need changing. Ask if chronic pain rehab would help. I swear - the devil is in the details - it's such a fine balance with pain meds, but you have to be aware that so many of those that seem the most effective are so because they are psychoactive, meaning they will screw with your head sometimes. You aren't alone in this and it's important you tell someone how you feel - if ONLY so that you are not alone in it.

02/04/2008 12:17 - PA_MaryAnne

Hello imasure and welcome! josie's response was so good, honest and compassionate, that I can hardly add to it except to say that we hear you, we believe you and we care about you. We hope to see you lots on the boards and in chats! Dr. Borrie has been on leave the past few months. We hope he comes back soon, but we're not sure when. You are not alone. Hope floats. Keep the faith. Pray. PA_MaryAnne APF/PainAid Team A United Voice of Hope and Power over Pain Updated by PA_MaryAnne on 02/04/2008 12:17

04/04/2008 20:38 - tandv

Hi Imasure. I have had chronic pain for 12 years and I did try to commit suicide about 7 years ago. The type of pain I have is very difficult to live with as I have electric shocks that go through my body at unpredictable times. It is not the type of pain that I can compartmentalize or "fix" with yoga. Narcotics help but as you know, they are not perfect. I also take an ssri. Sleep meds do help a lot as things get worse when you are tired. Anyway, I do understand how you feel. Now, I have children and that is just about the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. However, every year or so I do some intense medline research to see if anything new is coming. I don't quit trying new modalities even though lots of things have failed. If you let me know what your pain is, I am very good at medical research and would try to help you see some options that maybe you may not be aware of. Even after 15 years, new things do crop up. I just spent two days talking to my insurance company to get a clinical grade interferential stimulator, and looking into cold laser therapy, and want to sign up for substance p clinical trials when they arise. Bottom line is that you are not alone. I am just one person out here in cyberspace, but I am offering to help you if you want to post more details. Finally, there are psychiatrists that specialize in pain issues and they can prescribe pain meds. Sometimes finding someone you can talk to develops trust and the fear of losing your access to pain medicine gets better if you see someone that treats both at the same time.

08/04/2008 21:57 - don1214

Hi Imasure, I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital about a year ago. The pain & depression had gotten so bad that these thoughts were becoming stronger & stronger. An antidepressent and counceling helped. I've gotten a bit better now but still struggle with it. Hang in there! Don

20/04/2008 23:29 - Deleted User

Hi Imasure, I've been living with pain in all four extremities due to RSD/CRPS & low back pain due to Radiculopathy, all as a result of a (work) spinal injury nearly 10 years ago. Since I am allergic to opiate pain medication, I've often felt extremely discouraged & depressed about my future. Most of the usual medications used to treat pain were never an option for me. I've dealt with a lot of doctors who did not belive that my pain is as bad as it really is because I forced myself to function in spite of my pain. It took the doctors nearly 5 years to diagnose my RSD/CRPS & by the time they found the right diagnosis, I had gone from RSD/CRPS in 1 extremity to RSD/CRPS in all 4 of my extremities. I can't tell you how many doctors I went through-Whenever I saw a doctor who didn't believe me or downplayed how bad my pain is, I fired them & moved on to the next one. It's my body & it's my pain (for better or for worse), I wasn't going to put up with anyone who didn't treat me with the utmost respect. I finally have a great team of people who are treating me-A pain specialist, a neurosurgeon (who implanted & manages my spinal cord stimulator), a psychiatrist, & a psychologist. It took a lot of searching to find a team of people that I can trust. I try to be as honest with them as possible. If I'm not honest about how I'm feeling physically, mentally, & emotionally, they can't do anything to help me. I have to admit that I considered suicide on a number of occasions, but I always had a tiny bit of HOPE that I would find some treatment, some medication, or device that could help reduce my pain. I'm sure that my spinal cord stimulator helped to save my life. I don't know how I ever lived without it. When you live with pain every single second of every single day, it's so hard to have HOPE! Pain is so isolating & it steals so much happiness from the lives of people in pain & the people who care about them. However, we all have to find some way to maintain that Hope. At times, there was only a tiny flicker of hope inside me, but I tried to find ways to feed it. As cheesy as some may think it is, my faith played a huge role in maintaining my hope. I attend church every Sunday, I volunteer with the youth when I am able, & I prepare half of the multimedia for our church-a huge creative outlet for me. In spite of the horrible pain I deal with every single second of every day, I've continued to work. I'm a medical social worker, so I often work with people who are in much worse situations than me-quadriplegics, people with advanced Alzheimer's Disease, children with Autism, adults with severe mental illness. Dealing with people with such severe medical/psychiatric conditions helps me to take the spotlight off my own pain. For awhile, I'm distracted from how terrible I feel. I throw myself into my work because I love it-I love it because I know & understand what it's like to the the "patient". In this way, my chronic pain is a gift. Although working is difficult & tiring & I've had t deal with HUGE barriers at work (like an employer who seems to believe that they don't have to provide reasonable accommodations to disabled employess), I feel that I'm doing something worthwhile, something that helps others, & that helps stave off those feelings of worthlessness & self-pity. I know that not everyone with pain is able to work, but even a few hours a week of volunteer work can help make you feel useful & worthwhile. Even with your pain & sometimes because of your pain, you have something to offer to others. When I was first diagnosed with RSD/CRPS, the doctor told me that if I did not continue to move & use all of my extremities, I would end up in a wheelchair within a year. I decided that was NOT an option. When my pain got really bad, I had stopped walking marathons/half marathons/10Ks. I thought I'd never walk another event ever again. The threat of ending up in a wheelchair was enough motivation to get me to walk again. As bad as it hurt, I never regret a single moment I've spent on the trail or on a treadmill. Lidocaine/Prilocaine cream is my best friend! My training partner also has RSD/CRPS, so we support & encourage each other. Six weeks after getting my spinal cord stimulator, I completed my first half marathon in three years. I've done four half marathons since then. There's something about crossing that finish line... For a moment, I'm in charge of my body, NOT my pain. It's an amazing feeling. The endorphins don't hurt either! :o) I'm not suggesting that everyone go out & run or walk a marathon, but find an activity that makes you happy, that makes you feel a little more in control of your pain & your life. Even with chronic pain, we are all still useful & worthwhile. There's so much that people with chronic pain can teach others about kindness, compassion, and acceptance. Lord knows the world can use a lot more of those things! Nurture that HOPE inside you. If you had no hope, you wouldn't be reaching out to others for help. We're here. You are not alone. If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to email me at psychsunshine@yahoo.com. I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Best wishes, Emily :o)

22/04/2008 06:21 - PamL2923

Imasure, call your doctor and get them to change your medications. I live with chronic pain too and became severely depressed a few years into it. I really didn't understand what was happening to me, I always thought depression was just being sad or crying alot. I had no motivation, didn't care about anything, slept all the time, etc. finally my doctor put me on cymbalta. That worked for quite a while but recently all of those old symptoms snuck up on me again and again I didn't realize what was causing it. It started slowly so all I thought was I was having a couple of "woe is me" days, then they became weeks, months, etc. Back to the doctor again and he switched me to Effexor. It took a few tries with dosage amounts but I am better. Call your doctor, talk to them, if they don't listen, fire them! There are good, even great doctors out there that want to help you. Don't give up, please. Pam

25/04/2008 16:03 - john jeffery aka JJ

Hi there Ive been at this chronic pain thing for over 10 years, been on just about every pain drug there is. They all eventually stop working, and yes depression is a big part of the chronic pain experience. My secrete is – when things really get bad, I force myself to remember one thing in my life that is positive, It could be as simple as the expression on my daughter’s face when she burst into the kitchen smiling from ear to ear telling the world that she got an A+ in something I helped her with. It was the look, an other trick in keeping your sanity is keeping your self occupied. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Im a 47yrs old male, I have moderate to severe chronic pain everyday of my life for the past10 years, I was diagnosed with sever stinosis in the neck, severe D.D.D At 37 I had to have a lamanectomy from C3 to C7 inclusive, do to herniated disc that affected my spinal cord. Presently I can not feel with my hands, no sensation, I have pain from my head to my toes. I have been on every type of pain medication and all stopped working after a while Now I take Lyrica and and medical marijuana